broken geodes. . .

I choose to believe that Shishiba showed back up in this week's Sakamoto Days chapter because I posted such unbearably caustic yaoi featuring him last week that the creator of the manga started getting night terrors and they wouldn't go away until Shishiba was back on screen. Next up: Finishing this natsushin update I've been putting off for a calendar year to summon the first Natsuki and Shin interaction in a hundred chapters.

(Also, I sincerely wish one of you was up to date on Akane-Banashi so you could've seen my insane ESP calling the timeskip Kaisei reveal two weeks ago + the fact that the next arc would be Kaisei based in general.... This manga is the first time in human history that I've ever been able to predict where things are heading, because I cast a hex on Yuki Suenaga so I can tread in his dreams. Keep an eye out for the tutorial so you, too, can haunt your favorite creators via an accursed sleep without rest)

After a few months spent passively searching through junk, I finally stumbled onto an old digital camera. Decided to go out and get some test photos with it today! Went back to the woods, which continue to seem deeply haunted, and the little camera beeps made me feel like a paranormal investigator on the trail of big foot or something. Alas, I met no ghosts.

Anyway, here are some of the pictures:

( counting crows )

Cold snap came fast! There's something novel about the first pink knuckles of the season, but I'm definitely bringing gloves next time I go out...

 Oh my god you guys....

This is the very first thing I'm typing on my Alphasmart Neo2 Ahhhhhh!!!!! It's so CUTE!!!! I'm always a little worried about buying tech secondhand online but I've had this thing on for apx 30 seconds and I fear I am already obsessed with it,,, we'll see if any issues crop up but for now this is PERFECT   EEE

 I know I'm in a bit of a gadget and gizmo era between this and the camcorder, so I probably better cool it for a while. Story is that I was thinking of getting myself some sort of reward for finishing nanowrimo this year, and I thought, well,,, maybe I'll finally get myself a Freewrite! That's something I've wanted for years, but I've always been put off by the pricetag. I haven't checked in a while, so I sort of assumed that it was, like, Broke College Student expensive.

No it was not!!!! I simply cannot justify spending the cost of a new macbook on a glorified word processor!!!!!

Then I remembered seeing some folks talk about older devices with the same purpose, and Now, my alphasmart......... Less than a third of the price of the lowest end freewrite! I could've picked a cheaper listing, too, but like I said I get nervous about secondhand tech and I wanted one that seemed In Good Shape. 

I recognize that this is Way Early for a nano reward, but unfortunately once I start thinking about something I simply cannot put off doing it, So . I will simply have to get rid of it if I don't win ig. (Nano is going fine btw--hoping to hit 14k today!)

I've been back and forth for a long time on whether a Freewrite or something similar is just a silly vanity tool. But ultimately, I think writing like this really helps me; My brain cannot separate the concept of a laptop from multitasking and distraction. I've been feeling a lot better about my writing since I switched to doing the bulk of it by typewriter, but there are Several Inconveniences to that setup that this thing solves. The biggest one is that I can actually use this on the go! (I do have a lil manual typewriter with a carrying case that I could take around, but I'm not Quite annoying enough to bring that thing to the library .... this is discreet enough to not make me feel like an asshole when I use it.)

Really excited to take this thing on the train in December :) I will be romanticizing the shit out of that train ride

Anyway....... Time for me to figure out how the wholeeee file transfer with this thing works . I hope y'all actually get to see this lil trial run                                         

-> yet another recording pulled off , we might actually be doing this lads ???

-> watched practical magic with my sister and that actually is an everything movie

-> finished my durge run .  something so bittersweet about this when it's been going for so long but it's good to be done 

-> put up halloween decor :) and helped run the trunk or treat at work which was actually a ton of fun!

-> finished dracula and it was such a good read wahh.... miss this book already

-> started los espookys bc i've become suddenly obsessed w julio torres and this is kind of just what i needed to supplement spn studying



looking forward to next week . . . 

-> saturday november 1st  . it begins

-> over the garden wall watch party mwahaha

I just found out Ocean Vuong has a second novel, which is one of those pieces of information that I have to assume I already learned and then unremembered until I stumbled onto it again, because it's been out since the spring. In learning this I ended up on the darkest place in the universe, the Goodreads review page! And naturally like any person on any review page I kept scrolling past all the kind reviews and lingering on the one star ones, making myself angry at people with woefully Incorrect Opinions on a book I haven't even read.

Realizing the hypocrisy of that led me to the review page for On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous because my opinion there actually holds some sway, instead of where it should have led me, which was Closing The Page (and my laptop while we're at it). And while On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous has a slightly better star rating than Emperor of Gladness, there are still many many one star reviews in there, calling the prose pretentious and purple and pointless and even some adjectives that don't start with a plosive.

Some go as far as to call Ocean Vuong everything that's wrong with the publishing industry; Some of them mourn the other voices that are being somehow silenced by the fact of Ocean Vuong having written a novel, which is such a bonkers argument I'm not entirely sure it isn't parody; Many of them are confessions that the reader just doesn't care for the style (one two star review reads simply: "is this is a good book ? maybe . but did i enjoy reading it ? no").

Don't get me wrong, the vast majority of the reviews are positive, and only around 1% are one star--I'm seeking those fuckers out on purpose in a sea of Incredibly Kind Things. Also, no one is obligated to like Ocean Vuong's writing. I really like novels that read like poetry, but I get why people are offput by them--asking whether poetry would've been a better medium for the work is a valid question, I think. It is purple, like, bruisingly purple. I can absolutely picture a version of myself who would roll my eyes at a book like this. Even after all the praise I gave it, I would give On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous 4 stars, not 5--I don't think it's at all a perfect work.

At the same time, I do think it's absolutely bonkers to give a writer with as much baseline technical skill as Ocean Vuong a one star review in anything. In a way I'm sort of relieved by this whole experience; Everything in this world is disliked by someone. There is no universe where a book doesn't have a bad review. Even the 1% of bad that Ocean Vuong gets equates to literally thousands of people with a strong hatred for his work. 

And if Ocean Vuong isn't safe, there's no hope for any of us. Wanting to be universally liked, even just wanting to be considered "good," is a pipe dream. I think my biggest block in the editing process is that I'm doing so much for the sake of preempting an imagined negative reaction, but trying to write for the respect of a public that already dislikes you is so silly! The removal of bad does not equate to the addition of good. If you focus your energy on excising the bad parts, the end result can only be emptiness. 

So, like, moral of the story--numbers mean nothing, get over it, never open Goodreads again.

Note to self:

Never write so nonchalantly about the status of the clock shop every again

Signed, 
Someone who had zero cuckoo clocks to deal with last week and now has two??????



.... Okay, this isn't THAT bad because both clocks seem to be running alright--the movements just need to be cleaned, and one of them needs some serious work on the case, which is way less stressful than actual clockwork. I've been completely avoiding the shop, though. If I don't go inside, it can't hurt me......

My clockworks order came in yesterday, so I have the means to get lil rescue working too, at least feasibly. So I really DO need to get back in there! We're talking about ultrasonic cleaning and that machine intimidates the hell out of me, but I'll try to get Something done tomorrow night. We must. Or else!

I put a new clock in my room last night just because I love the look and sound of it, which of course meant I woke up at 1, 3, and 6 am to the chime.

I KNOW having these running all the time cannot be good for my sleep hygiene even when I get used to the sound and get through the night ... I'm considering whether i should stop the 8-day for a while since it's much louder, but I hate the idea of these clocks going to waste when they're so gorgeous! I'm also thinking about setting one of them ahead to Australia time so I can better tell when Feef is about .... Considering.

I've also finally started to get to work on the "rescue clock" which really IS a rescue as it turns out. The verge is completely snapped in half, so I had to put any work on hold until my order from clockworks arrives. The product description of the verge assortment on there really takes me out:

These are not the quality of the old days and must be filed, bent, adjusted and customized to fit your needs. But the outcome should be the same. Unfortunately this is the only option available in this modern age and it does usually work out in the end to solve the problem.

Even clockworks said "sorry about this..."

Tbqh I might've been able to get a more specific verge replacement if literally ANY of the information on this clock's plates was readable but it simply is not. I figure the whole verge kit will come in handy eventually, though.

It's really nice to be working on a clock that has literally zero stakes; Every clock I've helped on so far has been a repair For someone, so I've been really afraid of doing any work on my own, but I bought this one for like two bucks and have no one to disappoint but myself. I still think back on that story my dad tells about his first clock repair--my grandpa just threw all the pieces out on the bench and told him to figure out how they go together. I think I'll try to do that a few times with the rescue clock, literally just disassemble and reassemble it, before and after cleaning. Either way, I've got to start teaching myself the things I'll never be taught.

In other news, Bruce's clock is actually keeping good time ??? Nobody jinx this Please. I'm a little scared to send it back to her because she's just gonna have another few clocks she wants us to look at, but at least it'll be off our backs sometime soon. Only thing left on my backlog is to find the fuckin grandfather clock pendulum that I inexplicably lost somewhere in the shop, so I can get that out on the floor.

Oh September, the month that finally broke my five star scale for good ....

11 books, 1 movie, and 2 comedy specials, let's go!

(10/1 : IMPORTANT EDIT I FORGOT A VERY INTEGRAL MOVIE AHHHHGHHJJ)

( september )

Currently Reading:
Nemesis - Agatha Christie

October TBR:
Mexican Gothic - Silvia Moreno-Garcia
Buried Deep - Naomi Novik
Evocation - S.T. Gibson
Practical Magic - Alice Hoffman

the festival was such a gem of an experience, but MAN, getting back into the swing of things after a break is rough! 

i've been pacing around and knocking off every possible item on my todo list besides editing work. part of it is that i've finally gotten to Part III of this draft, which is where things get reallyyyyy hazy. last night i planned out all the changes and reorganizing for the next few chapters, but actually Doing it is a different story ........

like i always say, there's a pendulum to these things, and i have firmly swung back into the "wow, this thing is hot garbage!" area after a good long while of feeling pretty good about it. i've just been editing for so Long, and the end is so far from sight.... i don't even know what draft i'm on! i really thought this was going to be my last "developmental" edit, but i already feel like there are some major changes i'm going to be making on my next go around. considering i'm coming up on two years of this, it's easy to start feeling like it's just. unsalvageable! time and time again with this project i've come to the crossroads of trying to decide whether i should pack it up and work on something new.

But ! got some mail from caz that included a very silly drawing of briar that says "do it for him" and this alone was enough to save me from the hole. if other people are drawing MY little guy then i can limp him over the finish line. a long time ago em sent me a letter talking about pactbound and i still turn to those words whenever i feel doubtful too. i've been trying to snip most assurance seeking behaviors in the bud, because i think this is the sort of thing you just have to be able to do of your own volition, but MAN does it help.

even if this book is never sellable, i want to be able to show the people who have given me their support something worth supporting!! caz and felix and tuki and em and romeo and azen, this is for you!!!!!! (and everyone else who i'm not remembering right this second Wow dedications are hard ....) when i think of it as a story for friends, it really does get less intimidating, doesn't it? it's not like i'm out here pitching lit fic!

SO . ALL THAT SAID . i WILL get the rewrite of the Part III opening done tonight, AND (fingers extremelyyy crossed) edit chapter 23, too! FOR THE PEOPLE!!!! 

( or i will fail to do anything and this post will mysteriously disappear ...... )